Good Times with The Gray's

I didn't know if I could muster up the strength to blog about this, but I think I am ready to share and heal. My family and friends have been absolutely wonderful and Josh and I appreciate all that they have done for us. So here goes...Last monday was our first doctor's appointment and I was about 8 and 1/2 weeks pregnant. Or so I thought :( We immediately went in for a sonogram and to my surprise she did an abdominal sono, needless to say we didn't see much of anything. The tech said she just thought that I wasn't as far along. Let me clear up that I did not see my doctor that day. On the first visit you get a sono and speak with the nurse. This was totally not her fault.
WhenI left the doctor that day we thought things were normal, well no we didn't. I had a deep gut feeling that I can't explain. I told Josh that I wasn't happy with what we saw and that maybe doing a transvaginal sono would help us see much more. So I called the doctor's office and they checked my folder and it said the sono tech checked off for hearing heart tones and everything looked fine. So I hung up the phone a little happier but still not convinced that things were okay. Brandon and Amorey were having their 20 week sono on friday and they wanted me to go. I said okay, that way I could see my little nephew and ask my doctor about my concerns from earlier in the week. So friday rolls around and B, Ammy and I meet my mom at the doctor to see little Hadley. He was precious by the way! He has dimples and all! So sweet! So while we were in the sonogram room with the same tech from monday, my mom asks her if she will do a vag sono on me. The lady said of course no problem! So I was a little hesitant because I wanted Josh to be there but I was going to do it anyway. So my brother stepped out of the room and I got set up and while the sono is going on I, we see nothing!!!! There was a sac but no signs of baby. I was in total shock!! I am no dummy so when she went to go get the doctor I just knew I was about to be officially disappointed. My doctor was out of town and so in came another doctor to talk to me and confirm there was no baby. I am glad my mom and Ammy were in the room with me, because this is when I started getting emotional. They moved us all to a room so that we could talk with a nurse and ask any questions that I had. Here is the just of what happened, my body still thought I was pregnant and my mind and my heart now knew differently. The body began acting as if I were pregnant but the fetus never formed. So I could wait and let my body miscarry on its own or I could have surgery to have a D&C so that the doctor could clear out the sac. I chose the surgery, I could not go on with my body thinking I was pregnant and knowing I wasn't. So I booked my surgery at 7:30 mon morning! I still had not told Josh because I wanted to be outside so I could burst out in tears and tell him what happened. It has to be the hardest thing I have ever done, telling him that our first pregnancy is over. He was obviosuly devastated. My mom drove me home to him and he just held me as we cried. Josh was supposed to go out of town for the weekend and he decided not to go of course, so we could wrap our minds around this together. So we got out of the house and spent the day together. He was incredible!! You know you have chosen a great husband when they catch you when you fall. I was definitely falling. I love him so much and I know we can make it through the hard times! So the weekend passed very slowly and finally it was time to get the surgery behind us so that we could
heal and move on! We had to be at the hospital at 6 am and I was in and out of surgery by 8:30 or so. It went very well and I was able to leave by 9 am. Josh stayed with me all day and pretty much watched me as I slept. I am feeling much better and optimistic about the future. This has happened to so many people and I know that a healthy pregnancy is in the future for us!Again I want to thank my friends and family as they are helping me through a very tough time. All of the prayers are working because my spirits are lifted and I am much stronger emotionally.